Black Lives Matter change name to White Lives Matter in Light of Sanders Success

Today the activist group Black Lives Matter changed their name to White Lives Matter on account of the success of Bernie Sanders.  “We feel that we are all white now, so the changes seemed appropriate” said Alicia Garza, co-founder of BLM. “After [Bernie] Sanders swept Hawaii, I just felt more white than I knew I could be! Now I eat Atkins bars and am really wondering what I was so angry about.”

When speaking to other activists about the name change, they also felt it was a good idea. “I was born a poor black boy and lived in a shady part of town. I never knew who my dad was and didn’t care, I was getting into drugs and the thug-life; after Bernie, I have started taking some beauty tips from Caitlyn Jenner and I feel like I can be me– I feel like Michael Jackson!” said Tyrone James

Many Hispanics and Mexicans have also felt more “white” after the Sanders-Effect swept over them. Many are nationalizing after years of illegal U.S. residency just to support their fellow white presidential nominee. Manuel Ruiz is one who has even lost his hispanic accent after feeling so white. “I know I used to be Mexican, but now I don’t feel that way. It’s good to feel white, but you know, being white now and standing around all these Mexicans, I kind of understand what Trump was talking about.”

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An Easter Egg in the Toilet

Today was a pretty good day. My wife woke me early in the morning to tell me I could sleep in. About 30 minutes later she got back from dropping the kids off at school and asked if I could go grocery shopping with her. I told her I wanted to sleep in, so she asked me again.

I really did need to get up and unclog the toilet. The day before, my little 14 month old found half of a plastic Easter Egg–we have no idea where she found it. But she did manage to throw it into the toilet as it was flushing. She was a good little girl and waved by-by at least.

I have never run into a problem like this before, and I think that having kids and a family is the perfect training-ground for dealing with unexpected events. My single friends get flustered when things start going unexpectedly, but when you get home after a 14 hour shift and walk into your bathroom and there is a pumpkin in the bathtub and a sink full paint stains, you just roll with the punches.

Today I bought a drain auger and didn’t even google what I was about to do. This wasn’t my first rodeo, and I’m sure that I will be the clown and the bull rider some day, then at the end I will be the announcer, but today I am the plumber! I can’t imagine life without all these interruptions, I do try, but I am always interrupted by life.

Life is what I am living, and if you see all this as a burden then I know you are missing the greatest adventure. I used to think that kids hampered my freedom, but they really only keep me out of trouble. I like my life. It is hard work sometimes, but it’s worth it. I mean, how else am I going to find a baby to clog a toilet with an Easter Egg in the middle of December?

Dad-again is… Mr. Mom (updated)

See the bottom of the post for the new humble-pie update!

I have a job that keeps me away from home and isolated in a large warehouse. Sometimes I get home and the kids are already asleep, and when I get up for work the next day, I get to see them sleeping and whisper a good-by. After another long day, it has been about 30 hours since I have seen my kids, and I haven’t even been away traveling on business! My days off are spent writing and playing with the kids. Note that house-work is not on my list. My work hours sightly improved while my wife was pregnant. When she got closer to having the baby I helped when I needed to, but I was not overly helpful.

The Baby Is HERE!

My wife went into labor last week and we now have a happy baby girl! I was able to take off work to help around the house. Actually, all that stuff I don’t normally do, I now have to do. In my head, it seemed like I was going to have plenty of time for all of that stuff, and have time to spare. I learned more than I thought in a short amount of time.

I Do Everything Wrong

I soon learned that I needed a method and a schedule to follow for all the chores. I didn’t know what all the chores actually were, so I did what I thought was necessary. I did it all “wrong” and not in the right order? Do not ask me to explain this, I don’t care if it was wrong, everything got clean and no one got hurt. Well, some of the dishes were not clean and I got yelled at for it, but if she ignore dishes, I can ignore dishes… right?

I am an Amazing Cook!

Cooking dinner was, and is, one of the more annoying tasks. I like cooking, I just don’t like cooking when I am tired and the kids are asking when it is going to be done. I found myself tossing crackers or carrots to the kids like birdseed to pigeons, to hold them at bay. When it was all ready, it was the best received dinner. “You cook good daddy,” and “Oh! This tastes great” and “Daddy! I DON’T WANT EGGS!!! WHY DID YOU GIVE ME EGGS!?!?” After everyone is done eating is the perfect time to clean up, not the next morning. I also learned how to clean as I go.

Bed Time and Getting up for School

I can bathe two kids in less than 20 minutes, my wife, about an hour. The whole sympathy factor is not available. Soap, scrub, rinse, dry–done! I must admit, they do not enjoy bath time as much, but they have their teeth brushed and are in bed on time. I rouse my oldest for school gently and make her walk and dress herself. I was told to carry and dress her because she was tired and sleepy in the morning. She now knows the routine and she won’t ask me to pick her up. She is more alert and I have to constantly remind her to not sing that Frozen song or she will wake her mother and new baby sister.

Would I do This Again?

Heck yah! I really don’t want to go back to work. I think I am doing a pretty decent job, and I have found some methods to become more efficient and organized. I have also noted some areas that need modification/ improvement, like the laundry room and the closets. I really like being home and really like my family.

The Humble-Pie Update

Well, I was going to try and wait a week before I posted this, but I couldn’t wait. I am here to say that I am not the bad ass I thought I was. It took me 2 days to realize that my wife was doing laundry behind my back. I was not able to keep up and my daughter still needed cloths for school.

At the end of the day I would miss my kids like I hadn’t seen them. This confused me, and my lovely wife said, “It is because you left them out of your day.” I had brought my fast paced work life home, and it did not include children. I observed my wife watching a movie, folding cloths, and talking to the children at the same time. I cannot do that.

I let the house get messy, and clean what the wife needs most of the time. I can’t do her job the way she can and don’t think I have the patients to do that anyway. By the end of the week I wanted to punch something, but I have never seen her lose patients.

A home makers job is hard. There is no pay. No one thanks you for your sacrifice. You tend the lives around you and nurture their growth. At the end of the day you are rewarded with exhaustion and kids coming into your bed with bad dreams. I am not man enough to do this job, so I will do what I can and support her.

Obama and Putin to speak for the first time, again.

from G2 Bulletin
Obama and Putin talk about girls.

The two presidents of the two nosiest countries have decided that the sanction fight over the beloved country of Ukraine, is best done in person. The talks are probably the last chance to avoid another cold war. This could risk an import of snow and tundra.

Former presidential candidate and current foreign affairs expert, John Kerry is optimistic about the meeting he claims to have arranged. “They have a very diverse itinerary to help break the ice around the cold Russian heart of Prime Minister Putin.” said Kerry “First they will discuss how they both lost the World Cup, then there is some shirtless horseback riding, maybe if there is some time, they could kill some polar bears. President Obama will bring some hand sanitizer, so he will be prepared for anything!”

“Negotiating a plan for peace will be difficult because the two men are notorious busy-bodies,” said a random stranger that no one was really talking to. While Putin has agreed to not bring up Benghazi, Obama has vowed to forget Georgia, and fund raise elsewhere.