Black Lives Matter change name to White Lives Matter in Light of Sanders Success

Today the activist group Black Lives Matter changed their name to White Lives Matter on account of the success of Bernie Sanders.  “We feel that we are all white now, so the changes seemed appropriate” said Alicia Garza, co-founder of BLM. “After [Bernie] Sanders swept Hawaii, I just felt more white than I knew I could be! Now I eat Atkins bars and am really wondering what I was so angry about.”

When speaking to other activists about the name change, they also felt it was a good idea. “I was born a poor black boy and lived in a shady part of town. I never knew who my dad was and didn’t care, I was getting into drugs and the thug-life; after Bernie, I have started taking some beauty tips from Caitlyn Jenner and I feel like I can be me– I feel like Michael Jackson!” said Tyrone James

Many Hispanics and Mexicans have also felt more “white” after the Sanders-Effect swept over them. Many are nationalizing after years of illegal U.S. residency just to support their fellow white presidential nominee. Manuel Ruiz is one who has even lost his hispanic accent after feeling so white. “I know I used to be Mexican, but now I don’t feel that way. It’s good to feel white, but you know, being white now and standing around all these Mexicans, I kind of understand what Trump was talking about.”